A mi me gusta la gasolina.......

Tejas - What was supposed to be 4 days in 4 different cities ended up being 2 days in 2 cities: Austin & Houston.

Austin
I arrived at the rental car booth at the airport and was told by my agent that they had run out of their GPS navigation systems. "Oh no, I've got a New Yorker and I don't have a GPS. She's going to cuss me out now." (I love that Southerners use words like 'silly' and 'cuss'.) He then asked me where I wanted to go eat lunch, and when I asked him for advice, he recommended Chuy's, because that's where Jenna Bush got caught under age drinking. Not exactly a drawing incentive for me, but what the hey. So I went there and had pretty bad Tex-Mex. Well, I shouldn't say that. It maybe was good Tex-Mex, but I wouldn't know since I can't stand Tex-Mex. But I'm in Tejas for the first time, so I need to try it. Tried it. Done. Can move on now.

The place was KITSCHYYYYYYY. I learned that Texans like to just plaster their walls with all kinds of nick nacks (like Hawaiin hula dancing dolls), bumper stickers, lights and all kinds of weird shit. The bartender was a sweet and patient doll. He scanned the menu with me for 5 minutes while I asked the dumbest, most basic questions like "so what's the difference between a burrito & an enchilada?" People, you have to understand. When someone asks me what I want to have for dinner, my response is always always always "Anything but Mexican and Indian." I've never even had Taco Bell.

The people in Austin were SOOOOO sweet. And by people, I mean men. Of course, I did stick out like a drag queen at the Vatican. Me, with the big, dark sunglasses and the black top and the grey wool suit, sashaying down 6th and 4th streets, peering into wicked-looking live band bars. The city has a very goth-meets-Jimmy-Buffet feel to it and I wish to God I could've spent an evening there. Oh well. Next time.

Houston, on the other hand, was kitsch in a completely different way. As I was driving down 45 and the 8 Beltway from IAH airport, I found myself horrified by the flashiness of the sad sad sad strip mall & franchise development lining the highway. It was one brightly-lit car sales lot after another. One chain food restaurant after another. One gas station after another. And the driving. Can someone please explain to me what Texans have against placing sings on streets? Leaving the airport, I followed the signs for 45, until I reached a significant cross-section of streets & noticed that the signs suddenly disappeared. So I found myself driving down 59, passing by a caballero on his horse, trotting down the middle of the flippin' road! I doubled back into the airport (which is as expansive as a European city, mind you), and found myself driving down the same route. I thought maybe I had missed the signs for 45 at the cross-section, signs that would naturally point you left or right to get onto the highway. But no. I was on 59 again, waving hola to the caballero. I stopped at a gas station to ask where the hell 45 was and learned that I was supposed to turn right onto 8 West at that cross section, which would lead me to 45. Really? And how in the hell was I supposed to divine that?

I had dinner with a friend in Houston; a lady I haven't seen in 5 years. I met her at what she called a 'quaint' little Italian restaurant. When I heard 'quaint little Italian restaurant' I envisioned an adorable little trattoria tucked away in the hills of Tuscany, serving bold house wines on tiny little wooden tables covered in white linen, parma hams hanging from the ceiling. Instead, I pulled up into a wooden cabin that resembled an 1800s saloon, featuring branding tools, horse shoes, and all kinds of 'good ole West' paraphernalia. It was highly comical. The Mexican waitress serving atrocious Italian pasta in a Western Frontier throwback.

I'd definitely go back to Texas. There's so much to explore - and I'd love to hit up Austin again. Spend a couple of days. Witness the nightlife. The people in both cities were genuinely nice. It's always so refreshing to come across people who smile and thank you and exchange pleasantries.